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Embracing Vulnerability: Trusting in His Mercy

ByIvy King

Hey friend, 

Do you sing? I love to sing, but you will never ever in a million years hear me say that I can. But do you? And if so, when? Is it when you’re happy and things are going your way? As for me? I usually fall into that camp. The last thing I want to do when my heart is heavy is sing. Unless it’s something like Jelly Roll’s, “I am not okay,” then maybe, just maybe, in that moment you’ll catch a feeble off-key note creaking out of my mouth. Because that would be something I could relate to. 

I was right there with David today. Hand in hand, stride for stride. 

“How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and hear me, O LORD my God; enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; lest my enemy say, ‘I have prevailed against him’ Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved. But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, Because He has dealt bountifully with me” (Psalm 13:1-6, NKJV). 

I was right there! Especially the dramatic line, “lest I sleep the sleep of death,” because it takes me right back to the familiarity of Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio in “Romeo & Juliet.” 

Oh, the theatrics. I can see myself saying the same thing dramatically from Juliet’s balcony, with a hand to my forehead and all. But then he had to go and ruin it for me. “But I have trusted in Your mercy; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, Because He has dealt bountifully with me” (Psalm 13:5-6, NKJV).

Why, David, why? Here comes the growing pains yet again. Doing what I know that I should, but definitely don’t want to do; sing to the LORD. And not because he came in like Superman and rescued me from pain and discomfort, but because he has also dealt bountifully with me, and has given me salvation. 

I am the kid dragging my blankie, pouting, on my way down the hallway because it’s that time but looking back every step of the way with puppy dog eyes hoping that someone will say, okay, you can skip, okay, you don’t have to go. But no, no one is going to rescue me. There is no rescheduling this meeting, no opportunity for cancellation, and I even called after 5 pm, hoping the summons had been cancelled and that I was no longer needed. Although he can, he is not saving me from this one. He is letting me go through it, and I do not like it. Not even a little bit.

Fortunately, I put on my big girl chonies this morning, so I’m going to be brave. So, I try to steady my breath because if he has a ladle in one hand and that refiner’s fire in the other, I want him to remove all of the impurities as quickly as possible, and if I move, it might take him one more second longer than I care for. And, I’m not about to take that risk. Would you?

Will you sing in the hallway? I’ll sing in the hallway for you.

And when that door opens up and we walk out, more valuable because we’ve been put through the fire, we can say, “See! We can still trust in his mercy! Look at us, looking like we fell into a box of glitter!”

He has dealt bountifully with me. Has he dealt bountifully with you? 

Lifting my voice, 

iK

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4 Comments

  1. This really meets me where I’m at these days. I’m trying to sing….this was even my devotion the other day:

    July 15 – Songs on the Way

    Many of My disciples have had to stay on in the dark, alone and friendless.
    They struggled on, singing as they went.
    For you, too, there must be songs on the way. Should I plant your feet on an insecure ladder? Its supports may be out of your sight, hidden in my secret Place of the Most High, but if I have asked you to step on and up firmly — then surely have I secured your ladder.

    Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble;
    thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7

    I admit through tears I let the radio sing for me because I have no voice these days. I’m barely hanging in. Thank you for helping hold me up. I praise God for His encouragement through you.

    Reply

    1. “There must be songs on the way!” Yes, there are! I love that because that’s what I could hear as I wrote. I could hear singing in the hallway.

      It sounds like this was written just for you! I’ll sing with you and I’ll sing for you. But either way, there really are songs on the way!

      xoxo

      Reply

  2. I so have meditated in this lamenting Psalm of David over agonizing over how ling, Lord?
    It sure is a refiners fire. I think of how ling David was on the run from Saul and am so glad his pain was preserved on the pages for us to receive hope of perseverance as we trust in the God of David and the salvation from his descendant, Jesus! He is faithful and able. Tgsnks for sharing.

    Reply